a stroke survivor story

I was practicing my Palm Sunday play and had a laughing fit. I don't know what triggered it (well, kinda, but it was not really funny), but I could  not stop...I tried, but I couldn't. This is one more thing that I will have to try to get a handle on. I have written about this before, but I think that this is the first time it has happened in public. I am relatively (ok, really) embarrassed. I will try to get control of things.  Another thing that happened today is that I had to meet another Dr. Not for myself, but my son had a test yesterday, but the Dr. wanted him to be on Zithromax today. Well, when I met with him, he was amazed that I am doing as well as I am. When we described the surgery, the Dr. agreed with the other Drs. that I can not do anything without a working cerebellum.

Now, I don't know if that is the correct word or not (this short term memory loss is killing me), but it was a "normal" day because nothing abnormal happened. I went to work, picked up my wife for lunch, took my son to the Dr., went to the hospital to visit a church member...it was really a kinda mundane day...exactly the type of day I have been looking for for 3 months. What stands out about today is that there is nothing that stands out. Every day there seems to be an "aha moment" where I learn what I can or cannot do, or what I should or should not do, or I do something the for the first time. But today was not like that. It was just a normal day. For that, I am thankful.

I know that it is a couple days after the funeral, but it was a really big event for me. Not the fact it was a funeral, but because it was my first funeral after my stroke. When you come to the realization of how close you came to death, no funeral is ever "mundane" again. Not that any funeral was mundane, but you approach funeral's differently. I do think that it was a good funeral. The only difference, unnoticeable to everyone except me is the fact that I can no longer read ab obituary without using something to keep my place. I used to be able to keep my hands at my side and read most things, but now I lose my place pretty easily, so I have to use my finger to keep my place. I also noticed that I don't "think on my feet" as quickly as I used to. I used to do a funeral without any "seams". Now, I have to pause every now and then to think about what I am going to say next. Again, it is unnoticable to everyone except me, but it is different. Overal...

Yesterday I got a phone call on my cell phone. It was a 1-800 number, so I immediated thought it was a "your car warranty is expired" call. It turned out to be anything but...it was Focus on the Family. I had called them, and e-mailed my story to them, and they were calling back to tell me that, though they could not promise anything, the broadcast team would probably be in touch with me soon.  When  I answered, the person on the other side asked for "the miracle man Rev. Mead". I said that this was Rev. Mead, and she said that she was amazed at my story. When I told her that I was getting ready for AWANA, she was even more amazed. When I said that I had been playing basketball earlier at the Rec. Center, she was really blown away. I told her that, though I did not wish for another stroke, I also did not want to waste the stroke. If all that happens is I had a stroke and go on with my life, then it is wasted. If it is used to encourage someone else, or to cause some...

What I cannot believe is that he is going to be a Senior in High School. Time has passed very quickly. It seems like only yesterday that he was a little baby in a swing, and now we are making plans for him to go to college. This opens a new era of money...we have to anticipate scholarships, we have to look at what colleges cost, and,  most importantly, he has to do well in college (Based upon his High School rank, he is shaping up to do well in college). When I think that 3 1/2 months ago, I was unconscious in a hospital bed and recovering from a stroke, this feels pretty good. I am very proud of his accomplishments. He is currently ranked #19 out of 135 in his class. IF he can get straight A's this semester, that might rise. However he ranks, he has done his best (I think) and for that I am very glad. The only problem (sorta) is that he took Algebra I in 8th grade...Knoxville requires at least 7 semester of HIGH SCHOOL math...in other words, even though he took Algebra I, Knoxvill...

Ok, so I know it has been awhile since I have posted, and I know that I said that the focus of the blog was going to change, but, not so much. I was thinking that I was done writing about my experiences  for my stroke, but I'm not. Today, I went to the Rec Center for the first time by myself since my stroke. The first thing I'm going to say is that, if you have never seen a man with no cerebellum try to play basketball, then you have never lived. Actually, I did pretty well. I played basketball and walked a few minutes at a time. I did not get over tired, because I am not supposed to my first time back. It felt really good to play basketball again. I could not spin (not that I did it well before) and I could not do layups very well (see the last parenthetical comment). It really was great. I missed the opportunity to lift weights, and I walked around the weight room (but I did not lift at all). I plan to go to the Rec Center more often, maybe every day.

I don't know what to write this morning. In truth, my situation has changed, and because of that everything has to change. But, at the same time, I HATE being treated like I am a stroke survivor. By this, I mean that every time I have borderline blood pressure, every time I have shortness of breath, every time I have some sort of pain, and every time I don't feel "right" people think I might be having another stroke, or worse. Nevermind that the stroke specialist has already told me that this will probably "never happen again". Never mind the fact that I can do other things generally well. It seems as though everything is being filtered by that one event. Now, I can deal with it. I am not going into a depression, I am not feeling worthless, it just annoys me. Maybe it shouldn't. Maybe I should just be grateful that people really care about me. OK, I do and I am. But it still annoys me. What I wonder is this: do people not trust me? I feel like EVERY situ...