a stroke survivor story

I met with my deacons the other night, as well as the Administrative Board of my church. I have to say that they were very supportive. They are advocating me taking the morning off on Monday's and then every afternoon off for awhile. They are also in favor of me having my Associate Pastor preach for me once a month if I need him to. It is still hard to adjust. I started my new schedule this week, and I do admit that I feel better, but the emotional is still hard to come to grips with, even though the physical is better. Tomorrow I will go to my first Iowa Baptist Conference meeting since my stroke. I am going on Friday night because the conference recorded a video of my testimony and they will show it Friday night. I am excited about that. I will be excited to get back to "normal". I am really trying hard to be "normal", maybe "normal" will just come naturally if I just relax a little. It is just hard to relax, knowing what I have been through and what

I know that seems like a strange title, but I really don't know how I feel today. Over the weekend I was told that I have to slow down in order to avoid certain "side-effects" of my stroke. What exactly that means, I don't know. What I am facing right now is the uncertainty of one question, that really manfiests itself in many issues: what do I eliminate? Now on the surface that is an easy question to answer: I simply eliminate anything unneccesary. Ok, what is unneccesary? Teaching Sunday night connecting point? Teaching Sunday School? Visitation? Board Meetings? Missions? Building and Grounds...I mean what do I eliminate? Trying to narrow down to one can be very hard and then I have to come to grips with the fact that it might be permanently. I hope not, but it might be. That means that once I "rearrange" my schedule, it might be permanently. That is a big thing to process. I mean, I always adjusted my schedule for a short term depending on my situation, b

I admit it...I was having a little bit of a pity party yesterday. I have heard many doctors in many hospitals all say the same thing...I will have to change my schedule a little bit because of my stroke. I guess that I REALLY thought that if I tried hard enough I could overcome my situation. Yesterday was the first time, that I can remember, that I paid attention to someone saying that my weakness is not a new situation; it is a new side-effect to the same situation. It seems that the more I try to overcome my situation, the worse my side-effects get. Not that I have to wrap myself in bubble wrap, but I have to slow down a little. I know that I need to; that is not the issue, it was having somone tell me that I HAVE to. I will have to readdress a little about me to really re-do my schedule. I have always given 100% of what I have to my work, and I might have to reserve a little now to keep my health; that is totally different for me. I know that it is a reality and I will do this just

I know that it has been awhile since I last posted, but this week has been busy at the church: we had Mission's Sunday, AWANA store night, Habitat for Humanity dedication, I have had 2 people in the hospital. I know that it is normal, but it has been busy recently. So, where do I begin...For about 2 weeks or so I have been noticing a little weakness in my left arm. What I did not know is if it was new, or it I just noticed it because I did not use my right arm very much for the first few months after my stroke. I made an appoitment with my neurologist and went to see her today.  She did a neurologic scan on me and did a CT scan. What she found is that I have no new areas of concern in my brain. That is the good news. What she did say is that the weakness is probably new, or at least it was not noticeable in the hospital or in my first few neurology appointments. It is related to one event, but it is probably due to the busy-ness of my schedule. Basically what she said is that I hav

I know that when you are writing a blog about all the struggles and/or triumphs of recovering froma stroke, you are supposed to write about big stuff: Dr. appointments, handicapped parking, fishing licenses, riding bikes, etc. You know, big stuff. Today was big, but for a little reason. I mowed the grass today. Now, on the surface that seems like a small thing, and it probably is. But, when you realize all that I have been through, it was a real boost to my morale to be able to mow the grass without having to stop, without being REALLY tired afterward, basically, I mowed the grass like I did before. When I think about all the obstacles that I could be facing and all the roadblocks that many people face, being able to do anything is big, but mowing the grass, because it is a relatively menial task, takes on a bigger sense to me. I really feel normal: not that mowing the grass made me normal again, because I cannot erase what happened to me, but it made me FEEL normal again, and for that

Okay, I know that it has been a few days since my las post, but it has been a busy time at the church. I went to the hospital and visited others in their homes from the hospital. But, I did have a great anniversary. We have had 18 wonderful years and now I am grateful not just that she stuck with me, but I am grateful to be here for my anniversay. If I had known what this year would bring last year on my anniversary, I may have skipped last year and gone straight to this year. But, I would never give up all I have learned this year. I am thankful for Laura and to God for allowing me to be here on my anniversary. On a side note, I took my kids to softball practice and was able to play catch with them, hit the ball, throw the ball in...needless to say it was "normal". It felt really good. 

Today, as most of you know, is Easter. We had an early service, led by the youth, with about 90 in attendance and a late, regular, service with about 120. In between we had a breakfast served and led by the youth that will benefit the youth mission trip to Arkansas. After service we went out to Applebee's for lunch. Overall it was a great day. What was amazing about it was its normality. It was just another Easter. Not that any easter is normal in event, but there was nothing extraordinary about this day. Brendan, my oldest, played piano for the early service. I was very glad to have him participating in the service. My wife helped with the breakfast, and I preached. It was a great day and I did not have anything abnormal to report!!

Today was the absolute atithesis of the last few days. i was able to walk to the easter egg hunt with the kids, barbecue hamburgers, walk with Laura for a mile or so and take the kids to Reed's Kone Korner. It seemed like a day that I would have had before my stroke. I know that it does not take away from the stroke, but I was able to do everything. It was good for me to be outside today. I think that I was just have an extended "pity party" for the last few day. Like I said, there was nothing wrong physically with me, I just did not feel right emotionally. Today was totally different and I feel much better. Maybe dying Easter Eggs with my kids hit the spot, too.

Yesterday I posted that it was the 4 month anniversary of the date the hospital recognized I was having a stroke. Today is the 4 month anniversary of the date of my surgery. I must admit that I am feeling a little down today. I think, of course I don't know, but I think that it is a "crash" after a sugar high. I had a little pack of "m-n-m's" with penuts. It is not a big deal, but the Dr. did say that I can have some symptoms similar to diabetics. So, I don't know whether I feel down because of a real situation, or because of a sugar crash.  Overall, I feel pretty good physically, but I do have a tendency to "Swing" a little emotionally. 

Today when I got up, my wife reminded me that today is the 4 month anniversary, if you want to use that word, of when I got put in the hospital. I know it intellectually, but it is hard to wrap my arms around the fact that it has ONLY been 4 months since the hospital recogized my stroke. So much has changed and I have come so far. I have read of people that strokes about the same time I did that cannot walk right, some cannot talk, others cannot hear from one ear...yet I have very few long term effects. Sometimes I have to take a rest if I am up for a long time, others I have to rest if I walk long distances, and one effect I found out is that my right leg tries to cross over my left if I fun. I have learned not to allow it to cross over if I walk, but I guess when I run it does not always listen. Anyway, no matter how you look at it, I am, I know it seems trifle, but I am a walking miracle. NO Dr. has been able to give me a reason why I am able to do what I do now. I am very thankful

I  guess it was the first time I had been "caught" this week at my office. I was in my Office Administrators office when I simply wiped my mouth. She said, quite astonished, "Are you drooling?" I answered, a little sheepishly "Yes". The truth is I have had about one or two times a week of drooling. The nearest I can tell, it is because my muscles in my mouth are not fully recovered and strengthened from the stroke and sometimes it allows drool to leak out. I have gotten used to it, but, like I said, I got caught the other day. It is something I will have to live with until my mouth is strengthened, maybe for the rest of my life. It is not a big deal...it is just a little bit and I simply wipe my mouth. What brought it to my attention today is that I had to wipe my  mouth while I was preaching today. I told my wife that I might have to start carrying a handkerchief with me...

I am not sure how to describe what happened today. It was kinda weird...I was at the hospital and as I was walking in the hallway, it felt like I was still on the elevator...still unstable. It was not enough to make me sit down or take a break or anything, but it was a very real event. I tried to explain it to my wife, but I don't think I could accurately describe it. I don't know if I was just tired or if I was stressed, but I feel better now. I can only hope that it is not a sign of another impending stroke, but the stroke specialist says that I am not in danger of another stroke, so it must be simply tired.