I don't know what to write this morning. In truth, my situation has changed, and because of that everything has to change. But, at the same time, I HATE being treated like I am a stroke survivor. By this, I mean that every time I have borderline blood pressure, every time I have shortness of breath, every time I have some sort of pain, and every time I don't feel "right" people think I might be having another stroke, or worse. Nevermind that the stroke specialist has already told me that this will probably "never happen again". Never mind the fact that I can do other things generally well. It seems as though everything is being filtered by that one event. Now, I can deal with it. I am not going into a depression, I am not feeling worthless, it just annoys me. Maybe it shouldn't. Maybe I should just be grateful that people really care about me. OK, I do and I am. But it still annoys me. What I wonder is this: do people not trust me? I feel like EVERY situation MUST be worse than I think, EVERY situation MUST be something more than I am making it. No matter what I am experiencing, it is not a"normal" experience. Interesting, if I had a cold on December 8th, no one would think anything of a little coughing or a slight raise in blood pressure. BUT now my blood pressure has to STAY between 120 and 139 over 70 and 89. Regardless of whether I have a cold or not; regardless of if I feel bad or not. It is a little frustrating. I know, I know...it is only because people don't want a repeat of what happened. Granted. But, what happened to me is, by every Dr. estimate, a fluke. It was not caused by anything I did or did not do. It was caused by a collapsed artery in my chest, a tear, and a clot that went to my brain. My BP had NOTHING to do with my first stroke...Sorry, I just had to vent a little frustation.
It has been nearly 6 years since I have updated this blog; my apologies. For those that had been following for some time, since I last posted: I stepped down as Senior Pastor at New Covenant church in Knoxville, I moved to Ankeny, Iowa, started a new ministry with St. Croix hospice as Chaplain. I was chaplain with St. Croix for about 4 1/2 years, then in 2020 I moved back to Stratford to pastor First Baptist church. It was a big change going from chaplain work back to the pastorate. I must confess, when I first came (back) to Stratford I was ready to pastor again! I love preaching; I love the ministry of being a pastor, and I love interacting with people long-term. (Being a chaplain is great, but you only interact with a family for a week or so, for some a little longer, but there was a constant upheaval of people and it was exhausting at times...) But, one thing that I have noticed since my stroke is that I get my feeling hurt easily. For instance, people leave the church all the tim