I don't know what to write this morning. In truth, my situation has changed, and because of that everything has to change. But, at the same time, I HATE being treated like I am a stroke survivor. By this, I mean that every time I have borderline blood pressure, every time I have shortness of breath, every time I have some sort of pain, and every time I don't feel "right" people think I might be having another stroke, or worse. Nevermind that the stroke specialist has already told me that this will probably "never happen again". Never mind the fact that I can do other things generally well. It seems as though everything is being filtered by that one event. Now, I can deal with it. I am not going into a depression, I am not feeling worthless, it just annoys me. Maybe it shouldn't. Maybe I should just be grateful that people really care about me. OK, I do and I am. But it still annoys me. What I wonder is this: do people not trust me? I feel like EVERY situation MUST be worse than I think, EVERY situation MUST be something more than I am making it. No matter what I am experiencing, it is not a"normal" experience. Interesting, if I had a cold on December 8th, no one would think anything of a little coughing or a slight raise in blood pressure. BUT now my blood pressure has to STAY between 120 and 139 over 70 and 89. Regardless of whether I have a cold or not; regardless of if I feel bad or not. It is a little frustrating. I know, I know...it is only because people don't want a repeat of what happened. Granted. But, what happened to me is, by every Dr. estimate, a fluke. It was not caused by anything I did or did not do. It was caused by a collapsed artery in my chest, a tear, and a clot that went to my brain. My BP had NOTHING to do with my first stroke...Sorry, I just had to vent a little frustation.
For the last few weeks I have been experiencing some pretty terrible headaches; not the kind that you can relieve by rubbing your temples or taking Tylenol, but headaches that radiate from the back of my head. It seems as though I have tried several things to relieve them: taking naps, lying down on heating pads, taking Tylenol, turning the lights of, etc. but nothing seems to help. Now, I don't have them all the time, only a few days a week and I can tell that they are more from muscle tightness than anything else. I have been instructed to go the ER if they flare up again, because of my past history of headaches before my stroke, but most likely it is due to the muscles that were cut in the back of my head for the Craniotomy. I would say that most days I do not struggle with headaches at all; but, the days I do have headaches they are a doozy. I don't have blurred vision with them or sensitivity to light or sound; it just hurts. As I look back over the past 3+ years I realize...
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