I know that seems like a strange title, but I really don't know how I feel today. Over the weekend I was told that I have to slow down in order to avoid certain "side-effects" of my stroke. What exactly that means, I don't know. What I am facing right now is the uncertainty of one question, that really manfiests itself in many issues: what do I eliminate? Now on the surface that is an easy question to answer: I simply eliminate anything unneccesary. Ok, what is unneccesary? Teaching Sunday night connecting point? Teaching Sunday School? Visitation? Board Meetings? Missions? Building and Grounds...I mean what do I eliminate? Trying to narrow down to one can be very hard and then I have to come to grips with the fact that it might be permanently. I hope not, but it might be. That means that once I "rearrange" my schedule, it might be permanently. That is a big thing to process. I mean, I always adjusted my schedule for a short term depending on my situation, but this might be forever. I am struggling with guilt as I eliminate something...does that mean it does not warrant my full attention? Does that mean I am "cutting it loose". I realize that some people think I am being unreasonable, but what would happen if the reader had to prioritize several very important things. Does that mean that some things are less important? I know I have to do it, but it does not make it easy. This is the first week I will be facing with a new schedule and I am just getting a little apprehensive.
For the last few weeks I have been experiencing some pretty terrible headaches; not the kind that you can relieve by rubbing your temples or taking Tylenol, but headaches that radiate from the back of my head. It seems as though I have tried several things to relieve them: taking naps, lying down on heating pads, taking Tylenol, turning the lights of, etc. but nothing seems to help. Now, I don't have them all the time, only a few days a week and I can tell that they are more from muscle tightness than anything else. I have been instructed to go the ER if they flare up again, because of my past history of headaches before my stroke, but most likely it is due to the muscles that were cut in the back of my head for the Craniotomy. I would say that most days I do not struggle with headaches at all; but, the days I do have headaches they are a doozy. I don't have blurred vision with them or sensitivity to light or sound; it just hurts. As I look back over the past 3+ years I realize...
Hey, Jim - think Jeremiah 29:11, when the Lord sent a message of hope. You are *still* affecting lives.
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