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15 years already...It's only been 15 years...such a weird feeling

Today is December 8, 2023 - 15 years since my stroke. Time is deceiving; on one hand, it moves so fast that we can barely imagine that the person we were 15 years ago, and the person we are today are the same person. I have started this post 4 different times in the last few weeks; it is just so hard to put into words what I'm feeling. I feel really good for a dead guy (that is my standard greeting; several doctors have told me that I should had died at least 11 years ago.) But, it is so hard for me to talk about feeling good, considering the path we have been on for the last 2 months. My son was the one who helped me to the car when I could not walk; my son was the one who watched the girls when Laura had to take me to the hospital. My son was the one who bought me the little Christmas tree for my ICU room after my surgery, and it was my son that so often told his mom how worried he was about me when I would show signs of weakness. My son has been such a big part of my recovery, it seems strange to talk about how good I feel knowing that my son is no longer here. Today (December 25), I went to Humboldt to spend time with my Aunt Marilyn and her family. Today is her birthday, and she is 89 today! We laughed a lot; my daughter, Shaylee, her husband, Stephen, and her kids, Theo and Evelyn, joined us. It was a great day! My other daughter, Madelyn, was at work at Timberland today. I am very proud of them both; but, truthfully, I found myself today telling people how proud I am of all 3 of my kids. And that's the truth. Though one is not here anymore, he accomplished so much in his 31 years, 3 months and 22 days that I could not possibly be more proud. I miss him...a lot, but, I also know that my 2 girls deserve for me to constantly be present with them. I know that this is short, considering that it took me 3 weeks to write this, but, my mind is not working very well these days...


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