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Today, I'm having a little bit of a pity party

Now, fundamentally I understand that I should not be able to do able to do what I am doing. I get that part, and for that I am grateful. But until you have had a stroke, you really are not able to sympathize with me. It has given me a new appreciation for people that chastise me when I say that I know what they are going through. I cannot explain everything, but I have problems controlling my emotions. Saying that I shouldn't have the problem does not take away the fact that I do. I have some problems with my speech. Really, it does not matter what area I should struggle with, the fact is I do.

Yesterday, I went on facebook and saw a page for classmates of mine that are no longer with us (I will celebrate, if you want to call it that, my 20th graduation anniversary this summer). The truth is, I almost made that list. I nearly died. Until it has happened to you, it is really an insult to say that you know what I am going through. The truth is, no one knows what it is like to wake up and find out you had conversations of which you have no recollection; no one knows what it is like to find out what all the Drs are saying about me; no one knows what it was like to see the scans and find that I did not have a minor stroke, but I had a major stroke in my cerebellum and minor strokes in my brain stem. To see the scans before and after, I really did not have a grasp of what the situation I know and it scares me. The truth is, people do not know what it is like. That is not to say that some people do not know what it is like to have agony. People struggle with agony, I know, but saying that I should react like I would for a bad cold is wrong, too. Simply put, I had a stroke...I nearly died...I should be, according to medicine, a vegetable for the rest of my life...I ought to be in a hospital bed for the rest of my do YOU think you would react to that?


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