Skip to main content

I realize that this is a post most people won't understand...

But you will never know what it feels like to have every decision, and every word scrutinized for its accuracy. Now, before I go on I want to say that I know that the people who say something have only my best interests in mind, but it still give a stroke victim (or anyone else who has a problem communicating) a sense that everyone is just waiting for you next mistake. It really gives you a sense that every word you say is checked for it accuracy.

Some people don't know what I am talking about, but when it happens, you will know it. For intstance, the other day I needed to go to the post office and I said the bank on accident. Could it have been the stroke? Maybe. The truth is I probably would say that wrong word before I had anything wrong with me. The truth is that people are more in tune to it now. Before, I might say something wrong and people would just overlook if I say something wrong people are more attune and they bring it to my attention. Now, as I said before, it is something that I just have to get used to because the people who say something have my best interests in mind. (I guess you could say it this I asking them to STOP saying something to me when I get it wrong, no. I just want people to be aware that I am aware of it and it bothers me about me, not about them).

It will be something I have to carry for (presumably) for the rest of my life. I will probably always have a slight speech problem. If I don't, fine. But I am planning on it. So, for the next who-knows-how-many-years I will have to plan on my speech being scrutinized. (Just a side note, I think I pay more attention to my speech problem than anyone else. For instance, I was just talking with someone the other day and they said that if I did not tell them I had a stroke, they would not have guessed.) So, I just have to get used to keeping my feelings to myself about my speech. This will probably be the only post about this on this blog.


Popular posts from this blog

A stroke survivor's memory is tricky sometimes...

Tomorrow I will preach the funeral for a dear friend of mine. He was the definition of a selfless person. I truly appreciated all that he did, but, when I was meeting with the family on Wednesday a memory came to me suddenly and I was suddenly overcome with emotion. Let me back up a little bit: After my stroke in December, 2008 my license was revoked for obvious reasons and it took me some time and practice before I was able to drive again. I finally got my license back in February, 2009. But, shortly after I got my license back the reality of the severity of my stroke became evident: my stroke had seriously impacted the PONS area of my brain stem, and therefore, a lot of my nerves were negatively impacted. One of the nerves that was damaged was the nerve that controls my eye movements; my left eye would would twitch, at times almost uncontrollably, and that made it really difficult to drive, particularly at night. That brings me to the memory that left me so emotional. Fast forwar

Making a BIG, but somewhat hurtful, decision...

A few years ago I was presented with the opportunity to come back to Stratford, Iowa, to First Baptist church, as their pastor; for those of you who have followed this blog for some time, FBC in Stratford was my first pastorate. Let's just say I prayed about it as I was jumping at the opportunity. The church has a parsonage, so I could live there and not have to worry about a houe payment; and I needed to slow down, and this was a part time position (which, as a side note, allowed for me to get a greater disability from the VA than when I was working full time with St. Croix Hospice...) We love Stratford, and absolutely love the church; the people are wonderful and accepted us, again, with open arms. This was, for me, the perfect position: I get to pastor a church I LOVE, I get to do life with people I LOVE, and I have already had the opportunity to do weddings and baptism services for kids (adults now) that I have known their entire lives. IT IS GREAT. The longer I have been here,

What's it like to live in the brain of a stroke survivor???

First , quit calling us a "victim of a stroke", we are survivors of a stroke; the majority of us have found a way to live, as one professor said, not under our circumstance but above our circumstance! For many of us, we are some of the funniest, loving people you will ever meet. Second , don't expect us to be able to multi-task easily. If a football player tears his ACL, no one expects him to be on the field playing at a high level the next week; most who have suffered a torn ACL never play at a high level again. If a skier breaks his leg, no one expects him to be on the slopes the next week, skiing for gold; most who have broken their leg will never ski at a high level again. If a pitcher has to have Tommy John surgery, no one expects him to be on the mound pitching in game 7 of the World Series the next week; most who have had Tommy John surgery will never pitch at a high level again. What do all of thes have in common? A muscle, tendon or bone was severely injured, a