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I had a minor meltdown last Tuesday. It was the first time I had to grieve my life before my stroke. When you realize that life will probably never be the same again, it is an overwhelming thing. I must have cried for at least 2 hours or more over the possibility that I had a stroke. I could not believe that I had a stroke. I went to the Rec Center every day, I had lowered my Cholesterol, I had lowered my blood pressure. If anyone shoulk NOT have had a stroke, it should ntot have been me. 

It seems now that the part of my brain that they had to take out deals with my ability to deal with emotions. That explains the outburst on Tuesday, my shortness (though I have learned to deal with it) wth my children. Everything has been affected by my stroke. That really is an overwhelming thought. Life as I used to know it will probable never be the same again. These are all small prices to pay considering the alternative, but it is a reality that I have to deal with.

The Speech and memory terapist says that I struggle with short term memory loss (what else is new, though). I can get it back, but it will take some dedication and lots of hard work if I want to get it back. I have already told Laura that I will work as hard as I have to to get back to as close to the way I used to be. I guess that is part of the reason, apart from God, that I have had such a remarkable recovery, because I worked hard. I seldom if ever took a break at Therapy. They would offer it to me, but I would rarely, if ever, take it. zi worled ashard as I had to in order to get home. If you are reading thin and you have somebody in the hospital, I have been on both sides of the hospitl bed. They need to work as hard as they can and when they think they can't work any harder, that is probably because their body wants to, not because they want to themselves. If they want to get home, tell them to work as hard as they can.

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